2015 Life In Review

When Ken was dying, I kept a journal that I would share with family and friends to keep them updated on our journey. It was healing for me to share my feelings and write them down. And it allowed me to tell our story once rather than over and over. I also think it made it less awkward to keep Ken’s health issues open to family and friends without having to feel like they were being nosy or invasive.

So today marks four years that Ken left this earthly realm. And for me I feel that this is a perfect time to be reflective and review this past year.

Keely is still serving her mission in Orlando Fl. She has been in a total of 3 areas- Cocoa Beach/Rockledge, Minneola and currently Lake Nona. Although I miss her dearly, I am amazed by her spiritual and emotional growth. She has blossomed while serving. This is a dream she has had since I joined the LDS church in 2001, when Keely was 5. I know she is where she is supposed to be and wants to be. We are only allowed to talk twice per year- on Mother’s Day and Christmas. I am looking forward to Christmas for the gift of seeing my Keely. We have Skyped the last 2 times. This time we will try Facetime. I am excited.

Jack is a senior in high school. He is quite social at school but prefers being hermitlike at home. He is taking journalism which he loves so maybe there is a career budding here. Driving is not his favorite thing so back and forth to school is about his tolerance level behind the wheel. He is coaching a basketball team of 3^rd and 4^th graders along with my brother, John. Jack has learned that kids often don’t listen, challenge your patience and learn at very different rates. He remains a loyal fan of FSU football. He also enjoys listening to music from hip hop to ballads. His sense of humor is his trademark, both in school and at home.

We gained some family members this year which has been great. My brother and great niece are sharing the living space with us. John has been a treasure sharing cooking and cleaning chores. (Okay maybe he does most of it and I help a little bit.) He has been an asset adding light, joy and safety to our home. His warped humor and quick wit always keep us smiling .

The soon to be 9 year old is a thriving 3^rd grader. When not on her i-Pad, she plays with Breyer horses, crafting and some homework/reading. She took swim lessons and patiently attends the basketball games. (She is not a fan.) There is new enthusiasm in our house for the cats and for all things dessert. Birthdays and holidays have taken on new meaning again through the eyes of a child.

I still work in a desk job. While still not a calling like I felt bedside nursing had always been, this is easy and pays the bills. The hours are flexible and all weekends and holidays are off. I am the secretary in the women’s organization at church. I love that both for the women I work with and the duties that I have. I became a hospice volunteer this year. This involves being given a patient that has a terminal illness to befriend.  The commitment is 1 visit weekly just sitting at the bedside and talking. Or sometimes just sitting and being there. I love it. I spent the first half of the year losing weight, eating healthy and increasing my physical activity. I have resumed old habits the last several months and have gained most of the weight back. I am discouraged and disappointed in myself but I have not given up on myself. I am continually trying to improve and revert to positive life changes. I am a work in progress.

We have 4 cats and 4 dogs. The house is often noisy and messy. I would not trade them (or at least not most of the time) for a clean and quiet home.

Ken’s mom, Sue passed away this year. She had a stroke around Mother’s Day and never regained her strength. Her youngest son did his best to find excellent care for her and was a great advocate for her those trying months. Today would have been her birthday. She suffered the loss of two of her children in her lifetime which took a horrible toll on her. And her twin sister also passed away just weeks before Sue’s stroke. It’s been a hard year for that side of the family.

Some milestones for the year: Jack and I attended WWE Wrestlemania in Santa Clara CA. I think this was a once in a lifetime event for me. We also attended a General Conference session for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Salt Lake City Utah. I got a new car, well new to me, in the late summer. It is a black Nissan Altima so now my car looks like just about every other car in a parking lot. It gets great mileage and is much more comfortable than my Juke so I am pleased with this change. We had a sibling reunion on the Oregon coast to celebrate my sister, Cathy’s birthday. I think this was the first time we had been together, just the 4 of us since adulthood.(And that’s been a while.) We had gorgeous weather and easy beach access.

So from my perspective that is a quick synopsis of our family in review. I am grateful for our blessings, tolerant of our challenges, and blessed to be surrounded by so many good and loving people. We are fortunate and give daily thanks for the lives that we are allowed to live and enjoy. We are truly blessed.

Keely's mission letter 2/16/15

So here is the latest email from Keely. I asked if I could share on the blog and she said okay. All names have been deleted into an initial to protect people's privacy. Leslie

A couple days ago, we were driving down the road, but we had to stop while LITERALLY LIKE 20 OR 30 DUCKS crossed the road. They were everywhere.

Also, I dropped my pudding on the ground and it was devastating. #strugglebus

Today we're going ice-blocking for district p-day and I'm a little worried I'll break my leg so this should be fun.

We followed a prompting to talk to this guy and he talked AT us for 40 minutes and when we finally got out of there, he was like, "You'll never forget the day I taught you the truth." #missionarylife

OKAY SO THIS WAS COOL. The Clermont sisters' investigator was baptized on Saturday, so we brought L with us to see. It was so cool. The speaker was really good and the Spirit was really strong. After the actual ordinance was done and we all went back into the Relief Society room, L was like, "That was crazy!" And we asked her what she meant and she said, "It just felt really...weird!" And we told her that she was feeling the Spirit and she looked SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY.

We taught A last week too (she's the one being baptized in April). She's so excited to be baptized! She knows it's true and we're so happy for her.

Oh, after district meeting on Wednesday, this kinda less active recent convert named R called us and said he had a referral for us, we asked if 6:30 that night would work to meet, and he said yes! So we met up with this guy B and long story short he's a new investigator. Yay.

OH! On Valentine's Day, we were heart attacking (that thing where you put hearts all over someone's door with happy messages and scriptures) some people. So we heart attacked L and J
, then decided to knock on their next door neighbor's door. So this girl gets her mom and her mom lets us in right away and were were like ...What? and she was like, "How are you doing, sisters?" And again, we were like ...WHAT? So it turns out she's a less-active member and her parents are active in the Clermont Ward. She was like, "I've been baptized and so has my daughter, but my fiance and stepkids haven't. So you can come over and teach them. They used to meet with the missionaries, but we lost contact when we moved." ...YES PLEASE.

So for my spiritual thought: I was reading a really old Ensign (which is like one of the best things about iPads) and some Apostle was like, "I consider 'Notwithstanding My Weakness' by Elder Neal A. Maxwell a landmark address." So obviously I looked it up. It's from the October 1976 General Conference. I definitely recommend everyone reads it. Here's one of my favorite parts: "Some of us who would not chastise a neighbor for his frailties have a field day with our own. Some of us stand before no more harsh a judge than ourselves, a judge who stubbornly refuses to admit much happy evidence and who cares nothing for due process. Fortunately, the Lord loves us more than we love ourselves." I LOVE THAT. I feel like we all too often criticize ourselves unfairly. I know I do! But it's so important to remember that God loves us so so so so much. He loves us so much more than we can even comprehend! Whenever you feel down, remember that yes, you have weaknesses (check out Ether 12:27 for more on why we have weaknesses and how we can overcome them), but you ALSO have strengths!

I need you all to know how much I love Minneola and the ward and my investigators and the missionaries I work with and all of you and missionary work and the gospel and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Sister Keely Burnette 

P.S. We have a mission conference next Monday (the 23rd), so I won't be emailing then. I'll email on Tuesday (the 24th). I just didn't want any of you to think that I died or anything.

But if you're really missing me, you can write to me!

Christmas with a Missionary

Missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints sacrifice a lot. Young men, "elders" commit to serving 24 months. Young women or "sisters" serve 18 months. They voluntarily leave their home and families to go to a place that the leaders of the church prayerfully select for them. I know of a young woman that opened her mission call today. She turned in her paperwork the weekend before Christmas and she has learned that she will leave in March to serve a mission in Korea. It's a crazy whirlwind once the mission process begins.
Keely turned her paperwork in the middle of June. She opened her call on June 21, 2014. She entered the MTC (Missionary Training Center) on Sept 10, 2014. The summer flew by. We bought clothes, a bike, a luggage set and various sundries all in preparation of her year and a half in Orlando Florida.
We went through the Portland Oregon temple for Keely's first time through the House of the Lord. We also visited the Seattle temple and were sealed as a family for all eternity. Once we arrived in Utah, we visited the Logan Utah temple and the Salt Lake City Utah temple. It was an amazing journey filled with spiritual moments and family bonding.
The MTC no longer allows family to come in to say good-by. You drop off your family member on the curb. Another new missionary greets them and then whisks them off. That worked well for us. Keely and I had traveled alone from Olympia to SLC. We had plenty of time to talk and prepare for that moment. I felt happy when I said good-by. I knew at that moment that we would be okay and that she was where she has always planned on being. What a relief.
Keely was at the MTC for 12 days. The missionaries stay longer if they learn a foreign language. Keely speaks English on her mission. Even though that seems obvious, there are missionaries in Orlando that speak Spanish and Haitian. 
She was allowed to call me from the SLC airport waiting to board the plane to Florida. It was a great phone call. She sounded excited, energized, scared and happy. It was quick but it was great to hear her voice and the sense of enthusiasm. I was happy for her.
Now I was well aware that our communication would be limited.Missionaries are only allowed to call home on Christmas and on Mother's Day. I was prepared for that. I know that she can more easily concentrate on her service and mission work if she does not have external distractions. I even understand and respect that I cannot friend her on Facebook even though she has a missionary page with her Ipad. I respect and obey the instruction that we are not to message back and forth on Mondays when she writes her email. As hard as that is for me, I get it.
So Christmas for any missionary family is a glorious day because you get to speak to your missionary. People kept asking me if I was getting excited for the call. I didn't really know what to expect so I tried not to allow myself to be excited. Usually it is done face to face via computer if your missionary resides where technology permits. Jack and I were able to Skype with Keely. She contacted us just after 4 PM on Christmas, 7 PM her time. As soon as she saw us, she started to cry. I was prepared for that. We were given 40 minutes to chat. There is a timer on Skype so you an keep an eye on your time. We mainly talked about her mission. She has only seen her mission president 3-4 times since she has been there since she is about 1.5 hours from the mission office in Orlando. The area that she and her companion tract is 7 miles from where they live. So when biking they have to bike 7 miles each way to meet members, investigators or knock on doors. They are well fed by the members and the woman whose home Keely was calling from, assured me that she would be driving them back to their place that night. She is eating meat and doing well with that. She loves what she is doing. She has never been scared and feels people overall are friendly. Then the time started to tick away ever so swiftly. Keely seemed to panic a little when the time was almost up. She began to cry again. Only this time it was painful. I think she was crying because she didn't want to say good-by. We won't talk again for 5 months. And that will be 40 minutes again. Not much time to fill each other in about our lives. 
I asked her not to cry. It was breaking my heart because I knew there was nothing I could do in that moment to make it better or easier. I ached for her. I remembered my first Christmas away from home. It's hard. You are supposed to be with your family on Christmas. And when you're not, it hurts. I understand that. And of course it doesn't feel so great at home either. I miss her. I wish we could have had more time. Christmas and Thanksgiving were meager for Jack and me. There was something, no someone missing.
But I can't allow myself to dwell in sadness. I am proud of my daughter and the choice she has made. I know this time will fly by and she will be home in the blink of an eye. And I am privileged to receive emails from her weekly. And her written words are like music to my soul. I feel so close to her. She expresses herself just as if she were talking to me. And that makes me happy. I feel her personality in every sentence. And she sends pictures. I have seen her Bell's palsy nearly disappear and her gorgeous smile return. I see the landscape of Cocoa Beach and Rockledge. She lives in a gorgeous area with people that surround her with love and support. I am not worried about her but I miss her.
So that Christmas call was wonderful and hard.  I remember when I first dropped Keely off at preschool at the ripe old age of 2 1/2 that she never looked back. I was jealous of the parents whose children clung to them with tears in their eyes. Keely's teachers assured me that Keely didn't do that because she was well adjusted. Now I know that she loves what she is doing and that she will bring souls to Christ. My wish is that she will keep moving forward and enjoy every moment as she gives her time, her talents and herself to those that she serves.

3 years gone by

2011 was a hard year. We watched Kenny grow weaker and weaker. We were in the hospital more than I can count. We struggled alongside him as he made decisions to try to prolong his life while oftentimes destroying the quality of his days. It was difficult to watch. As a nurse I've watched this dance with death play out countless times before but now it was in my home, my family. The stakes were higher than ever before. I wanted to have my kids emerge as unscathed as possible. We were in a battle for their dad's life and we were losing.

Kenny was diagnosed with stage IV rectal cancer in June 2009. We visited oncologists and surgeons in Olympia, Seattle and Renton. We decided that the care he could get in our own backyard was as good as what was offered in the big city. And not one doctor sugarcoated our situation. From the get-go we knew all options were palliative not curative. That meant that we would try to prolong Kenny's life but there was no cure. He would not survive this.

He endured two and a half years of chemo, radiation,surgery and ablation. He suffered through every chemo treatment which he received every 2 weeks with the exception of a one month break period. We knew the chemo nurses and the oncology floor staff better than we knew our extended family. We saw these professionals regularly.

He fought the good fight. More than I wanted him to. I thought the agony he endured was too great a price for him and for us. He had physical pain with constant nagging nausea, an abscess with a drain that persisted for weeks,no months. It was awful.

Yet he didn't want to give up. I once asked him what his goal was. It was to see Jack graduate high school. We had 5 years to go at that point. Kenny died when Jack was in 8th grade.

I often say that his dying was much harder than his death. Seeing a once stubborn, quick to anger, not afraid of anything man become frail, tender and humble was overwhelming. The time he was given definitely helped ready him for his passing. While he never wanted to die, he did become accepting of his fate.

So renal failure was his ultimate downfall. Or so they say. The last time we went to the oncology care and saw Kenny's oncologist, his lab work was off. He was in kidney failure. Needless to say, his chemo was cancelled and we were told to get him directly admitted to the hospital. Once there, his kidneys never completely recovered. They hydrated him with IV fluids and his numbers rallied a little bit before we were finally told there was nothing more to be done. Kenny's mental state was poor at that point and I became the decision maker and spokesperson. 

They talked to us about hospice. He had never wanted to die at home. I asked for an inpatient situation. There was none. So against my will and Kenny's wishes, he was sent home to die. His biggest fear was that he would die in pain so I knew I could help with that even though I often felt powerless in his end of life care. They told me it would be fast. 

He came home on a Saturday. Hospice admitted him on Sunday. The nurse told me that based on his heart rate and mental state, she thought he would be gone in 48-72 hours. He hung on for another 36 days.

That time was awful. We were richly blessed by friends and family that sat with Kenny, fed us, distracted us, prayed for us, let me sleep, let me work, let me out for a day of Christmas shopping. I will forever be grateful for all those that ministered to us. 

Kenny's death was quiet and seemed peaceful. His last breath was taken during a Beatles' tune, very fitting for him. There was no struggle, no gasping for breath, no furrowed brow. He had Cheyne-Stokes breathing for about 2 minutes and then he was gone.

And now three years have passed. Some moments on his final days seem crystal clear as though it happened last week yet most is a blur. I suppose that eases the heart a bit.

My family has survived. Keely is on her mission in Orlando, FL, Jack as a junior in high school. And me, I work days at a computer. Our lives have changed, mutated. We have for the most part found that new normal of life without Kenny. Most days are good. Some days like this one are hard.

We were sealed as a family this summer. We have the opportunity to be an eternal family. I hope it plays out the way that I see in my mind's eye and feel it in my heart.

I pray that Kenny has found peace. I believe that he is being taught, just as I am, of the Lord's plan for us. I pray that he accepts that plan. I strive for a forever family and will try to live each one of my days living up to my end of the covenant.

Liken the scriptures to yourself

Firstly, I definitely didn't put a subject line for last week's email, so that was my bad.

Secondly, A1A (like in "Ice Ice Baby") is in my area. So no big deal, I'll just baptize Vanilla Ice.

Thirdly, we were supposed to go on a temple tour a few days ago, but our investigator bailed on us once we got there. We still walked around the grounds, though. So that's what the first picture is.

Fourthly, we went to the beach today for district p-day! It only happens every three months, so it was a huge blessing that I got to go AND that it finished off the best weekend ever (because of conference). So those are the last two pictures. The last picture is of my district and the sisters from left to right are: Carpenter, Hart, Stratman, Ransom, me, and Allison. The elders are: Lavin, Black, Jurges, Ferguson, Donnelly, Tucker, Jensen, Stokes, and Ziegler. It was so much fun. Also it's totally possible I spelled most of those names wrong, but whatever.

Fifthly, my address (hint hint) is still:

10502 Satellite Blvd Ste E

Orlando, FL 32837

I honestly have no clue what to even talk about...So much happens, but it all feels so long ago. J cancelled almost all of his lessons last week because he had some issues. We don't really have any other investigators, but we're working really hard to find more. But that's actually the hardest part. A huge part of our mission is that we're supposed to talk with everyone. Literally everyone. The guy in the car next to you at a red light, the lady ringing you up at the grocery store, the guy sitting in his garage....EVERYONE. Let me just tell you: that's really scary. That was probably my biggest issue when I got to the mission (let's be real. It's still my biggest issue). But I really loved what Elder David A. Bednar said in his talk at General Conference yesterday about why we share the gospel. The gospel has made such a difference in my life. I love it more than I can explain. It's centered in Jesus Christ, and I am unbelievably grateful for Him. Because the gospel makes me so happy, I want to share it with everyone I know. That's why I'm on a mission. To share this amazing gospel that I love so much with my brothers and sisters.

OKAY. I'm not going to assign (suggest...whatever) a specific chapter of scripture to read this week (except you can totally read Alma 26 if you want. All about missionary work basically. Way cool), BUT I'm going to suggest something you should do like all the time. Whenever you're reading the scriptures and come across a general or plural pronoun (I think that's what they're called) like "the world" or something like that, replace it with your name! So D&C 18:10 would become: "Remember the worth of [your name] is great in the sight of God" and John 3:16 would be "For God so loved [your name] that He gave His Only Begotten Son". It's an amazing way to remind yourself of how important you are!

I hope you all know how much I love you. I love hearing from you. I love hearing about what's going on in your lives, I love hearing about your struggles, I love hearing about your accomplishments. Please know that hearing from you doesn't distract me. It helps me to keep going. Thank you all so so so so so much for your continued support.

I recognize that this is like the world's shortest email, so sorry about that (but if you have any questions you could just write me a letter). Again, I love you all so much, and I love this gospel too!

-Sister Keely Burnette

Keely in Rockledge FL

With pictures: again, the palsy is still present in my life. Forgive that. Speaking of palsy, at the Ogden Temple Rededication, one of the speakers mentioned that Jesus healed the palsy. Meant for me to hear? Yes. But yeah, I'll look like a goober in pictures for the next little bit.

SO. Here's me at the beach. That's the Atlantic Ocean behind me. Crazy, right? I would like to send a picture of me and Sister Hart, but she has to send it to me first.

Week 1 is basically officially done! I'm serving in the Rockledge Ward, and my area is Merritt Island, Cocoa Beach, and Cape Canaveral. We don't get to go on the beach EXCEPT for on district p-day, which should be next week!!! My trainer's name is Sister Hart. She's from Provo and she has two transfers left, so I'll probably be her last companion. Oh, and I know my district here way less well than I did at the MTC because I'm not with them the entire day. But our district leader's name is Elder Tucker, and he has two companions, Elder Black and Elder Lavin. They're serving in our ward too. I think there's like...six companionships in our distric. Including the zone leaders, Elder Furgeson and Elder Ziegler.

And I know at least a few of you will probably ask me how the weather is. Honestly, it's not bad. It's different than Washington, but that kind of makes sense, so... Sometimes the air feels kind of sticky, and when it rains, it pours, but it's all good.

The members here are AWESOME. There's about 700 members of the ward, but only 200 active (so we've got a lot of work to do concerning less actives). But all the members I've met have been so welcoming, kind, and eager to help.

So my very first night here, we had our first lesson with this guy named Jamey. He's getting baptized on November 1. Apparently it's basically unheard of to have a first lesson and a baptism within one transfer, so that's great!!!! I've met some mean people while street contacting, but it's so worth it to find the people who are prepared to hear the gospel.

We had to drop one of our investigators because he wasn't progressing, so that was kind of sad. But definitely necessary. Right now the only investigator we're teaching is Jamey, so we're really working to get more investigators. But he's AWESOME.

In Alma 57:25, Helaman is talking about the Stripling Warriors after the battle is over and he says: "According to the goodness of God...there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds." Life is hard. We're not going to get through this unscathed. We'll have trials, we'll sin, we'll have things go wrong. That's just a fact. But through the goodness of God and through applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ, WE WILL GET THROUGH IT. God knows what we can handle, and He loves us, so He'll make sure we're strong enough to get through whatever we're dealing with.

I love hearing from all of you!!!! Keep letters and emails coming. I love letters because I get to check the mail every day. Again, the address is:

10502 Satellite Blvd Ste E

Orlando, FL 32837

And that will be my address for my entire mission. For packages and letters. OH and send me pictures because I love seeing them.

And if I haven't told you to read Alma 36 yet, read it. And if I have, read it again.

So much love,

Sister Keely Burnette

My Mom

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's death. I remember that day as a blur yet still pieces of that period are clear. It is as if my mind took snapshots of moments in that day.
I remember the first phone call I got. It was a paramedic from Portland, OR. It was sometime around midnight. I had gone to bed. I don't know if I was asleep but I know that the phone ringing at the hour had me instantly alert. This man was telling me that my mom had been vomiting during the day and her caregiver had called 911 because my mom had collapsed getting out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted them to do anything for her such as IV fluids or transport her to the closest hospital. He said she had a POLST form and they needed to know how to proceed. Now my mom was a fainter from way back. She had passed out since she was a young girl. She did not do well in heat or long car rides. As she aged, she fainted a couple times under a hairdryer and several times just getting up from bed. The most memorable collapse was when she and my dad had visited us in Tallahassee FL. My mom had the flu. I was sleeping during the day as I had worked the night shift. My dad called my name in a startled, concerned way. My mom was not responding from the bathroom and my dad had heard a thud. Her body was against the door so it took some force for me to open the door. Feeling no pulse I told my dad to call 911. I got her on her back on the floor to start CPR and she started to breathe. By the time EMS arrived, she was responding but her speech was slurred. They never did find anything wrong but my whole family knows that she was never the same after that event. Her memory was altered that day never to return again during this lifetime.
So back to the night of the phone call. I didn't know what to say. I didn't remember that we had switched my mom to comfort care. Did IV fluids seem extreme for vomiting? Was it "heroic"? I thought it seemed reasonable. Rather than make a decision I turfed the call to my sister. We decided to send my mom to the hospital for evaluation.
I did go back to bed. I know I slept off and on. Definitely not restfully. I spoke with Charleen on the phone a few times. I spoke with the ED MD. Charleen and her husband Bill had gone to the hospital, saw my mom. The decision was made to give her morphine because she was moaning and seemed to have some abdominal pain. Bill and Charleen went home to shower and prepare for the day, Sunday. Soon after Charleen got the call that our mom had died. I feel badly that she died alone. None of us thought that it would happen that fast. I like to think that her last image before closing her eyes for the final time was of her firstborn child being at her side whispering comforting words to her. I hope she didn't die feeling alone or scared. I am relieved that it was swift and seemingly painless.
I remember going late to church that day. By the time Keely and I got there, the sacrament had already been passed. After the service, I asked our bishop if we could still receive the sacrament, explaining why we were late. Keely and I were taken to a classroom in our church building. Pieces of bread and cups of water were prepared and blessed just for us. I had never felt the atonement of Jesus Christ so personally as I did in that moment. I felt grateful, loved, protected and comforted. The sacrament prayer seemed clearer than ever before. I understood Christ's sacrifice in a way that I could truly feel. I was truly amazed at the love he offers me.
When my mom died, I was mainly relieved. With her memory loss, life had been hard and frustrating for her. After my dad's death, I brought her from CA to Olympia,WA to live with us. One year later, Ken was diagnosed with stage IV rectal cancer and life started to spiral out of control. Soon life consisted of working full time, oncology appointments, raising kids, taking mom to appointments,being her caregiver, supporting Ken through his crisis, I stopped managing well. Too many balls to juggle if you will. So the decision was made to move my mom to an adult family home in Portland near my sister. She was in the first adult family home for less than a year and then we had to move her again to another AFH that we loved. The owner was tender, patient and sweet to my mom. She received good care but she was never happy there. Or when she had happy times, she could not remember them. Death brought peace. She was able to be reunited with her parents, sister and husbands.
So as I write this, I am crying. It feels healing. It is good to be able to relive that time in my mind. I barely had time to mourn my mom's passing when it happened because Ken's deterioration started soon after. He was placed in hospice 2 months after I lost my mom. I needed to concentrate on the living and the dying. Now I can say that I miss my mom.I am sorry that my kids never knew her as a crossword freak who could balance a check book like nobody's business. I know she would have loved the internet to research our family history. She was a genealogy sleuth before it was popular. She could cook an outstanding meal and organize to perfection. She always hoped that she would never lose her mind as her sister had with Alzheimer's. Her last years were not what she had hoped for. I know now that she is restored. Her mind is clear and functioning to her liking. She has been reunited with those that she loves. I am certain that she is happy. And for that I find joy.
Until we meet again Mom, I miss you.